BOYS: Boys will be boys. Hell yes boys will be boys. After all girls are girls and so are eunuchs.

Disclaimer 1: The ideas written forth may be too churlish or gaudy to some fraction of the readers. The author hereby warns that specific class to vamoose out if they can’t bear true but a little vulgar stuff.

What do boys thrive for in life?

Name, fame, wealth……….bla bla bla. Bullshit!

I shall enlist a few (but the most important ones) of what they can actually die for.

1) Mother’s milk is very important for proper nourishment of a child. But boys seem to enjoy the source more. The softness around the channel of flow its pointed tip seems to lure them more. Boys (as we talk of the teen-aged ones) love to look, hold, press, and have a glimpse (with eyes, finger or tongue etc.) of the mounds. The first thing they look at on an estrogen laden homo sapiens is not the sponge, but the face. The elevations come next.

2) The dark secrets of female anatomy have always been bewildering the genius minds of boys. The dark abyss with fur at the door to scare off reptiles is what they thrive for. The Newton’s law of boys states that “Boys don’t like empty depressions, so they try to fit them with a natural driller they have got which automatically gets upright upon the slightest view or imagination of the cavern.

3) All boys are voyeurs. The human nature to explore the unexplored and hidden things work here. Same is the case with female anatomy. Porn or Pondy( Pornographic orientation for the natural development of youth) is a healthy source for it with audio-visual depictions.

4) XX + XY. Boys do love the arithmetic operation of XX + XY. Their XY sensors keep hunting vigilantly for their XX counterpart to combine with; even in their dreams. The resulting movement of a standing wave (to and fro motion for non engineering guys/gals) and the eventual secretion of a energy-haven, proteineous fluid from their energetic bodies relieves them a lot.

5) Often due to some constraints they devise new ways to ooze the fluid out in lonelihood with an aura of imagination or blue visuals or books with anatomical pics and texts which may lead to a rush of testosterone into the blood and eventually harden a muscular stuff into a bony one.

6) The 5 basic necessities

ü To eat: Satisfy their taste buds and they will go gaga.

ü To drink: Their barren minds can soak gallons of liquor. Who likes to in senses…

ü To sleep: Yeah, the best pastime is in slumber. Early to bed and never to rise keeps their mind fit and wise.

ü To shit: Have you ever controlled the pressure in your intestines? Try it once if you haven’t. And encapture (not on camera of course) in mind, how relaxed you feel when the anus throws out the odourful stuff.

ü To fornicate under the command of king: No they ain’t wanna be kings.( An anecdote: Once upon a time the population in some country( God knows which country) was on a rapid declining trend and then the king ordered his kingdom to f u c k to produce offsprings. Boys are eveready to follow this order even if not ordered.

Men are dogs. Indeed they are. After all dogs are so faithful!

Disclaimer2: These traits mentioned above may not comply with all the blokes present in our society but are true with all the boys whom the author ever met in his life. It’s based on a survey conducted in…….ummmm…… actually never conducted but still true. Any complaints howsoever will not be entertained. Agree to it or fornicate under the command of king off……. :)

Some not so famous pickup lines

1)My wallet is too heavy I feel....Wanna share its unloading.....

2)My astrologer says I meet my future wife tonight.....Is it you?

3)I guess I have cold.....How about a hot girl like you treating me over...

4)Hey I’ve a question for ya....My friend just broke up with his gal through texting......Do u think it is okay to do so?

Later on..........By the way his gal once broke up with him on yahoo messenger :D

5)The first time I saw you my mobile vibrated....I think it yearns for your no.

6)My prof. Is a black, bald, stout and a fat man and I hate him. You ain’t one of them. Does that mean I love you??

7)Doctors say people who talk have a good digestion. How do you think you want yours to be??

8)Brain is a strange asylum. The cells inside it keeps knocking me over about you....

9)I thought I’m a gay before I met you.

10)I generally talk to nice people when I’m drunk. I know I’m drunk right now. But excuse me are you..........Mind you it’s a general situation :P

11)Shall I call the cops? I think you stole my heart...

12)(Shouting-ly) Somebody call the ambulance , I think(pointing towards the gal) I saw someone who fell from heaven. Must have got hurt.....

13)Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours...

14)Be unique and different just say yes!!

15)He: You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? He: TwiceJ.

16)I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? :O (Yes) How about tomorrow night?

17)Ask a woman for the time. "10:30? So today is April 06,2010, at 10:30 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you."

18)Hey did you fart, 'cause you blew me away!

19)Excuse me miss... Do you have a cigarette? Actually, I don't want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

Few inquisitive questions 2 incoming students from India everyday in Amrika

Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....

Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....

Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.

Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.

Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English. So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused their servants' babies with it and since then all babies born are born speaking English.

Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.

Q. India is very hot, isn't it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously.That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.

Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self-sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is is a lot of hard work.

Q. Indians cannot beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.

Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.

Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it hard so that we can walk.

Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer it to coming naked.

Not worth a heading

SCENE1 ( two strangers chatting over internet)

S1: hi

S2: hey

S1: how do u do

S2: im gud

u?

S1: im fyn

S2: m or f?

S1: f

U?

S2: m

S1: ohhh wot a non coincidene

:P

S2: ha ha ha :D

S1: age?

S2: 19 u?

S1: 18

S2: hmmmm

Wer u frm

S1: new York

S2: im frm Toronto

S1: wow kool

So wot do u do

S2: im a student at tu

Studyin philosophy

Wot bout u

S1: well, im also a student

S2: which clg

S1: NYU, history

S2: cool

Wots ur name bdw

S1: stephani

S2: i hope dats ur real name

Anyways im ross

S1: nyc name :D

S2: so wot els do ya do

S1: i jst live n let oders do da same

S2: ha ha ha

I mean ur hobbies

S1: ohhh, i lyk music, movies, dance

U?

S2: the same+ buks

S1: which sorta music do ya lyk

S2: rock, metal

S1: ohhh i don’t lyk rock n headbangin

S2: actually i dun lyk rock & metal dat much

I njoy blues n punk also :D

S1: hmmm

S2: wot bout u

S1: i lyk blues n punk

Avril Enrique westlife etc et

....................................................

( last message posted 5 minutes ago.)

S2: so how man bfs do u hav

S1: y u askin dis

R u concerned

S2: jst lyk dat

S1: okay i dun have any

Now dun say u r single and ready 2 mingle

S2: hahahaha actually im J

S1: ha ha ha

S2: do u have any pic of urs

S1: pic :O

Wot 4?

S2: nthin as such

Jst in case u wanna show me

S1: okay

I hav 1 lemme share it

If u have ne of urs u 2 can share it

S2: kk

.........................................

(last message posted 5 minutes ago.)

S2: i mst acclaim u luk gud

Not actually gud

S1: not gud L

S2: i mean more den gud

U r hot

S1: tnx J

U r hansum 2

S2: i lyk u i guess!!!!!

SCENE 2 (meanwhile in a hostel room 2 roomies X and Y)

Y: ohhhh fuck yaar lan wire got disconnected

X: ohhhh bloody i was having a chat with a hot girl frm NY

She was awesome dude

Y: arre, I too was fooling a duffer. some despo. I said Im a hot girl and he kinda proposed me. Bloody moron

X: ha ha ha must be a jerk

Y: what’s the name of the girl yaar, you were talking with?

X: ummm, I guess Stephani.

Dude I tell you she was hot as hell.

Y: whoa I too said the name stephani to the jerk i was fooling

X: wait a minute......

What did you say were is stephani from?

Y: NY

Why?

X: 18?

Y: yup

Omfg!!!!

X: do u know ross 19 toronto

Y: ohhhh fuck!!!

Ha ha ha ah ahaha ha

X: b****** ke, m********, beep beep.......

Main hi mila tha tujhe

Y: abe mereko kya pata that u c****** ban jaega

Ha ha ha ha ha jerk, moron stephani ha ha ha aha

X: beep beep beep

What about the pic

Y: google image dude

Search: hot girl

The first pic that you see there is your love :P stephani

Hahahah

X: beep beep beep

Y: beep beep beep..................

New semester and new resolutions......

Hurray! I transpired through JEE. I float amidst top 2 per centum of the students who squatted for the exam. I am indeed a genius, a braniac. Almighty has endued me with a splendiferous mind. I shall comport on with this and develop my intellect to a notch above par with others in my field.

One of the glorious gifts God has endowed humans or perhaps every living being is “the thrive for success”. But the fascinating thing is not the success alone but the feeling of seeing others lurching behind. The spell bounding excitement of defeating others is what it is actually. Thus I sordidly correct my statement.....the glorious gift I was talking about is not “the thrive for success” but “the penchant for defeating others”. Any ways that was a bit of knowledge lending parts of mine. I know I know I am a great humanitarian. Mind you I won’t be giving free advices/knowledge any more.

The first resolution

So with an IITan tag over my cerebrum I had to find a good branch in a good college. (By college I mean 7 IITs, IT BHU, and ISM ). Or perhaps a good college and any branch I could avail. My rank could not take me beyond ISM, branch: petroleum engg. Well having heard of the enormous placements over there I was quite satiated with it. I decided, naaah I resoluted (the difference between a decision and a resolution can be understood by a simple definition. A resolution which is accomplished is a decision.), that I would retain my topper position here too in the college. Hell, but I was in a college for the first time. College life is the best part of a student’s life. Enough of this study shit; rather I shall dive into other arenas of pleasure and fun. Now I shall get a girl first, have fun all along and study too. Haah I am in ISM. Estrogen here is a rare fluid with enormous amount of testosterone trying to assimilate with. And at the end of the semester there was the same old me with a modest G.P.A.

The second resolution

What the hell. Those of my neighbours who never studied over scored me. Studying is indeed a useless thing. I ain’t studying any more. Bloody I have to live my life now. Padhaiiiiiii :O. What’s that???? That was my status at the end of this semester. Then came the end sems. Oh I won’t pass this time. Had to go through the tunnel of questions, and quenched my brain-fluid out, tussled with pen just to scramble out 40 marks out of 100. I hope I won’t flunk but hopes are not always happy ending. Had a mixed feeling, unhappy for not being able to garner 40 marks for the first time and happy for encroaching into the league with engineering students. I had heard it somewhere it’s a apathy to have passed in all semesters during the 4 year B. Tech course. Got an ultimately modest G.P.A.

The third resolution

I am an engineering student now. Its going so smooth. Movies and orkutting all night. Night outs during exams and the semester passes by cool.

The fourth resolution

Hmmm, three semesters have already passed and it’s high time now I shall start studies. First three days of the semester, sitting in the third row (I could not afford more proximity towards the prof.), jotting down the notes and soon after the new engineer of mine crept in. Chuck it dude, have fun. At the end the sem ended the same way as the third.

The fifth resolution

Bloody I tried the last time but couldn’t succeed. Better not waste twenty bucks for the notebook this time. And the end was not different from the expected.

The sixth resolution

No RESOLUTIONS from now. I hope I keep this resolution.

Bachpan ka pyar

pyar kiya pyar kiya pyar kiya

humne bhi tha kisi se pyar kiya

wo pyar kya tha, tha apna dil de diya

raaton ka karar neendon ko nisar kiya

bas jo kiya ,wo aanken char or yaad hazar kiya

uski yadon me apne ko behar kiya

jabse tha unka deedar kiya,tabse hoshon se tha deewar kiya

par humara kya tha humne to tha pyar se pyar kiya

na kabhi doston me na sathiyon me apne is lagan ka izhar kiya

bas apne dil ki awaz pe dhadkanon ko bauchar kiya

ek din hosla kar ke humne unse ikrar kiya

par unka kya tha unhone to inkar kiya

duniya ko lagta hai usne humse israr kiya

par humne to tha unse pyar kiya

dil rota hai aankhen fat-ti hain sansen jhukti hain

kyun humne bhi tha kisi se pyar kiya

pyar kiya pyar kiya pyar kiya

DREAM-CAR

Ever wondered why the famous words, ‘I Love you’ warm the cockles of your heart? Can love, which has tickled the creative juices of artists, poets and writers to produce masterpieces, be born merely out of instinct?

The day was bright with my strings of heart fondling with the cerebral serum. I was trying hard to change the concentration of air above my head and inside my lungs with the fag kissing upon my lips. Up on the deserted road I was ahead encroaching upon my thoughts and fiddling with the eyes. All of a sudden a knuckle cracking sound thumped the road. An image of deception, an angel in disguise, a caricature of my dreams, filled in the airs with the aura of the freshness and mirth. That was it where I witnessed the figure and soberness that had been entwining with my cerebrations and dreams. That is when I realised I just had a glimpse of the lady of my dreams. Lady, girl or whatever you people call it used to roam n lodge in my pals’ intellections a lot. Well that shouldn’t raise questions on my sexual orientation. I am strictly gay err straight. Ohhh shit I got busy with explaining the prologue and just lost the dream-car (dream caricature) of mine from my sight. Where is she. Was I dreaming yet again. The oldest way to check it. Make contact with a burning splinter (the cigarette in this case). Splinter onto the third block of my index finger and no I a’int dreaming. But I lost her. Courtesy to you all. Any ways I had an aim now. The hunt for my dream-car. Mission dream-car begins. Could do nothing now. The best thing to when you can’t do anything is to do nothing .Mahatma Gandhi said this. I returned to my abode and was trying to chalk out the plan to find my dream-car. And the best way to do it is in dreams, actually was feeling sleepy. Sleep evolved to fulfil some primeval functions and took over multiple functions over time. So was on the bed soon with scuffles going inside whether to activate the sleep inducting cells or the dream-car cells.

Ohh its 11 already .Can’t go to the class now. Well I must, may be the dream-car is from my college itself –a new admission or a nymph yet unX-rayed by me. Deo , boots, tee and a denim okay a pen too.....off to college. Was in the canteen for three long hours to no gain. And then my eyes had a spark, adrenaline rushing into my veins. With havocing amazement and zonked me I could see a structure that enlightened me. The prof whose class I was attending in the canteen was straight at my vision line and that’s not it he too was profoundly staring at me. Again a rush of adrenaline and I was not at all present there, ever. On the slip road off to nowhere I knew. Loitering over and all of a sudden a smooth like caramel, sans hairs like lips, white like coconut endosperm, hand caressed my shoulder and lips smashing them devoid of the puff. I was in front of a lady police asking me to pay the fine for smoking in a public place. Two hundred bucks out from the wallet and twenty six left to be graced with. Now on to the nearby park, the Rose park. My friends go there too often in hope of finding a hot scene, a hot couple, or if luck favours a hot chick (as they call it) all alone waiting for them. A coke and my solitude was a good combo. Serenity of the park inculcating the dream-car thoughts and I was lost in her nimbus stricken odour on the bench. Couples entangled, dudes staring with eyeballs trying to pierce through the cornea, uncles and aunts jogging, gamines dressed hot trying to coerce the other sex, vendors trying to procreate their sales of groundnut n chips and me trying to get out of my head.

Ohh its 6 already. Can’t go to the coaching class now. Well I must, may be the dream-car is from my coaching class-a new admission or one from the swimming classes beside my coaching. Yeah this holds a great probability I feel. I could feel her now. I was not far from her. I could hear her heart thrums. She was not much away. Adrenal glands of mine were on prime once again. I shall haste. I gotta run. My femur, patella, tibia and fibula were synergised, coordinated and there I was running like a deer which could be quarried any moment by an athirst King of beasts. On the brink of crossing the gate of the park and my olfactory cells could perceive the same aroma of my dream-car. Ohhhh my french connecting (fcukin) God ,she is here. Ninety degrees ass rotation and there she was. Same hairs with a blue cap, ditto glint of the legs and hands, rest covered in an orange skirt and a black and white jacket. Yes it was her, smooching a hunk six feet in length and thirty eight inches broad and a skeletor hanging from the right ear. I had never been so cold before standstill like a mannequin and trembling like a mobile on vibration. “Hey moron fuck off” a super-humanly voice broke my vibration mode and I could do nothing but leave. I could hear the crunching of my dreams underneath and with the sordid lone me I was off. Off ...............